As the annual Christmas party rolls around, the sounds of crackers popping will never be loud enough to drown out the side of sleaze that people, often women, have become used to. 

You see, underneath the draped tinsel and the sparkly clothes, things aren’t always so merry and bright. In fact, for many people in the UK, work Christmas parties are the stuff of nightmares – a recent poll by Male Allies UK found that 47% of people (mainly women) are considering missing their party to swerve bad behaviour and harassment, or due to safety concerns. 

Christmas parties are often viewed as a time for everyone to put their hair down, dress up and celebrate the year that's passed. For many, however, this is when the work mask slips and people are subjected to sleazy comments, hip touching, forced hugging, inappropriate gazing, and harassment from bosses and colleagues. 

Then there’s the dreaded mistletoe, the forced kiss on the cheek – a tradition that is dwindling – but is a perfect metaphor for forcing unwanted attention onto people. An article recently called out that this ‘wokery’ is going to stamp out a much-loved tradition – yet the image they used to support this piece was of a man pinning a woman up against a wall with mistletoe and her visibly squirming and not wanting to be kissed. 

Our campaign is calling this exact behaviour out. Say No to Mistletoe is a campaign that Male Allies UK and ACT have formed to shine a light on this time of year when Christmas cheer is able to override harassment. Many women have experienced unwanted attention at Christmas parties, which has been overlooked when reported due to the shield of ‘oh they just had too much to drink’, or underreported as a party for some reason seems to provide an out clause for out-of-office behaviour. 

One lady was trying to leave a party when the general manager offered her a taxi home. As soon as they entered the cab, he tried to touch her knee; she told him not to and asked him about his new baby and wife. He tried again – and she asked the taxi driver to pull over and let her out. He apologised and told her to stay in the car. When she got home, he got out to say goodbye and squeezed her breast hard. She ran off. The next day, he called her into his office and offered her a pay rise – which she refused – but she stayed quiet because of his position, his power and for fear of losing her job. 

It’s easy to pontificate that if you were in the situation, you might do something differently, but it is often easier said than done. Normalising harassment at parties is sadly a common theme. A report by Token Man Consulting on Sexualisation in the Workplace found that 40% of respondents said they have someone in the workplace whose inappropriate behaviour is known but tolerated. Of those who had been harassed at work, almost 60% chose not to tell their employer about the harassment and of those who did, 48.5% had their complaint ignored completely, and 36.4% were punished for speaking up.

No more clearly can we see someone’s behaviour being tolerated and allowed to continue than with the recent Gregg Wallace allegations. Just because it’s how that person has always acted doesn’t make it okay. And don’t get me started on different generational ‘norms’. 

The Say No to Mistletoe campaign is calling on everyone, including male allies, to commit to calling out unacceptable behaviour during the party season by stepping up and stepping. We need people to feel more comfortable in reporting and challenging harassment so that this becomes the norm – instead of looking the other way. 

It's important that we remember that work Christmas parties are an extension of the office. What isn’t okay in the office isn’t okay in the bar. Many incidents of harassment have been excused as jokes or a 'bit of fun', but they're intimidating and daunting and, in some cases, can lead to serious crimes.

When we tolerate bad behaviour as banter, we are enabling harassment. It really is as simple as that. Have fun, tell awful Christmas cracker jokes, and do silly Secret Santa jokes, but don’t let a Christmas party become a nightmare that an employee of yours can’t ever forget.