The term ‘lazy girl jobs’ became popular on TikTok, bringing to life a desire for Gen Z women to have jobs that didn’t eat up their entire universes. Jobs that would allow for friends, family, creativity, walks, and having a semblance of balance. As a midlife woman, I watched the debate with curiosity. I was inspired to see young women recalibrating what was important to them. This is arguably a shift which is not about laziness, instead, it’s about being clear on what you want.

A younger female colleague described the concept simply, explaining: “A lot of us grew up seeing our parents or older sisters stuck in ‘hustle culture,’ and defining their womanhood by their career success. I think there are more young women realising they don't want to exclusively focus on their career, just to be a good feminist. More of us are realising we’re allowed to have our female experience be enjoyable and easy.”

I gulped a little. I was one of those hustlers. I bought into the idea that I could hold down a 9-5pm (working most evenings so wrapping up at 10pm), have a successful side hustle, and raise genius children in an immaculate house. I would also take care of my elderly parents and retain my youthful appearance without looking like I was trying too hard.

I’d grown up listening to grunge queen, Courtney Love, who’d famously sang: ‘I want to be the girl with the most cake.’ I wanted that cake and I wanted to eat it all up.

I watched women burn out. They volunteered to do everything. They absorbed all the drama, made colleagues feel good, sorted out the crap when things went wrong. Doing all of this whilst also doing the strategic thinking. Yet still they worried they weren’t doing enough. I watched others relegated to the ‘mum lane’. A road that nobody acknowledged but meant your career progression had stopped. You’d get the dud projects and the clients nobody wanted.

Older female bosses were vilified and labelled as bitches, crazies, eccentrics, or robots, while their male counterparts escaped these stereotypes. I worked in one agency where my male counterpart went through CVs, and those with photos of women, he divvyed into ‘the ones I’d fuck,’ versus ‘too ugly to bother.’

Five years ago, I took voluntary redundancy, and like many midlife women, I was cast adrift on a sea of uncertainty. I lost confidence. I went into roles that were below my pay grade.

Thankfully I’m now back on my feet at a company that feels very different. I feel much more optimistic. They inspire and believe in me. In the process of writing this I asked women for their experiences of midlife and navigating work. I received over 150 messages. Here’s just a flavour of those responses:

‘I quit my job a year ago and am permanently exhausted thinking about work.’

‘I was made redundant. A young guy was given my job even though I had twenty years experience.’

‘I’m struggling to find my work mojo.’

‘I’m too tired for all this shit.’

The overarching theme was one of midlife women either at breaking point or having already abandoned ship. All that talent. All that potential. Gone or on the way out. So, the question is what’s actually going on?

Menopause is only part of the story

Menopause and perimenopause are part of the reason that midlife women struggle to stay in senior roles. Symptoms such as brain fog, overwhelm, insomnia, joint pain, anxiety make navigating everyday work situations rough. Many companies don’t yet have policies in place to support women. According to the ‘British Menopause Society’, 45% of women feel their menopause symptoms have had a negative impact on their work with nearly one million women having to leave their jobs due to uncomfortable menopausal symptoms (research by Bupa and the CIPD).

Kate Muir, a writer, campaigner, and documentary filmmaker (who worked with Davina McCall on her menopause documentary for Channel 4), explained: “We did a survey of 4000 diverse women 45-55 and found one in ten were leaving their jobs due to menopause symptoms. That doesn’t need to happen. I’ve done research on how much safer the new body-identical HRT is, and it’s available on the NHS. Most women don’t need to keep calm and carry on with hot flushes, brain fog and sleeplessness when giving them their own natural hormones in HRT back will prevent all that. It’s a no-brainer for employers to help women get essential medical advice and keep their jobs.” 

The domestic load and Covid fallout

Covid applied more pressure on Gen X women who were already starting to burn out. Home schooling, living with work 24/7, whilst managing ever fluctuating timetables didn’t help the woman who was already tired. Many were put on furlough, and more were made redundant when the money ran out. Even without a pandemic, women with children tend to shoulder more of the domestic load. If you see this against the backdrop where they’ve worked in patriarchal work cultures, where they’ve had to work harder, to succeed, you can see how it’s already the recipe for burn out. 

Lack of self-belief and confidence

Many women I talk to lack confidence. Senior women that have stayed within organisations don’t seem to believe that they are senior and defer to others.While this isn’t true for everyone, I am always surprised by how many intelligent, fabulous senior women think they’re not good enough. Then there is society and the way they treat older women about the way they look. Do you have Botox? How vain! You don’t have Botox? Wow you’ve really let yourself go!

We need to put tangible support structures in place within organisations, so menopause and perimenopause are taken seriously. We need to direct women to sources of support and correct medical information. We also need to address recruitment and encourage more diversity. We need to look at redistributing some of the unpaid domestic labour so that women of all ages don’t get lumbered with trying to write a PowerPoint deck, whilst nursing a sick kid. We need to have more conversations around how society imposes certain expectations on older women. They become invisible. Or figures of fun. Or simply irrelevant. 

This is important for future generations.

Last week Nicola Kemp wrote a column in the Media Leader which really resonated. As she explained: ‘If we are to address the self-worth crisis in young girls, we desperately need to embrace the pulsating ‘not today fucker’ energy of midlife women. The women so determined to break the cycle of unobtainable body standards and diet culture, even when it means standing up to the status quo.’

That ‘not today fucker’ energy is a powerful tool. It is the energy of millions of women as they pack their chargers and laptops into bags and leave organisations, never to return. It’s the silence in the boardroom as the chair asks for a female perspective and realises there isn’t one. It’s the disappointed sighs of the daughters as they watch this unfold.

It’s the midlife woman whispering through gritted teeth: ‘Give me a chance. Be amazed. Just watch what I can do.’

To find out more about how brands should connect with midlife women click here.