My multitasking initially involved feeding or pumping off-camera. And when I would say that I needed to go off camera to pump, I noticed others’ discomfort. Sometimes it was clear that the person on the other end of the Zoom felt that this was inappropriate, which of course is just wrong. But I also want to acknowledge that many were simply concerned for my ability to do two things at once - offering to give me a moment or to reschedule. This came from a place of kindness but the net effect was to make me question whether I was doing the right thing, whilst feeling frustrated that my choices weren’t being respected. My husband on the other hand has rocked our baby to sleep through many meetings. This is exclusively met with praise. I’ve written before about how many comments are made (mostly by men) about the sustainability of both of us continuing to work. The comments are directed at each of us differently with the assumption being that he resents holding the child and that I would rather have the space to be fully engaged. Neither is true.

It is a problem that breastfeeding remains not normal at work, despite being mostly normalised in public spaces. The La Leche League campaigns for the right provisions for mothers to breastfeed at work and there are now legal requirements. But mothers rooms, AKA converted stationary cupboards, mostly weren’t originally built as spaces for people to inhabit. They rarely have windows and are not the most conducive environment for pumping, let alone feeding a baby. That’s one of the reasons why we both need to normalise breastfeeding and pumping at work and the ability to do so in whatever way is most comfortable for the mother herself. It’s important to acknowledge that not everyone has an easy time breastfeeding and for many, despite wanting to, we don’t have the supply or our babies won’t latch. For those who choose to exclusively pump, this usually takes longer than feeding and is far easier to do in person or on camera, especially with the new portable in-bra pumps on the market.

As I became more accustomed to feeding wherever and whenever my baby needed on the weekends, going off camera during the week became increasingly absurd. I’ve held two in-person team offsites in the last few months and both times my childcare fell through. As a result, I’ve held her through days of meetings. And my team, who are all wonderful, supportive, and engaged in equality - many who are parents themselves, have held her too. It didn’t take long to start feeding her as I would if I were out and about. As I was the most senior person in the room, my ability to do this comfortably partly comes from privilege. To take this path for myself requires me to make it clear that I encourage others to openly do what they need to do for themselves too, whether that means breastfeeding or not. And whether they are parents or not.

It’s also important to acknowledge that for many women who have been the victims of sexual harassment or assault, that it may be especially uncomfortable to breastfeed or pump openly. Speaking from my personal experience, I found my birth very healing. A way to reclaim my physicality for myself - to free it from the associations of the male gaze. This is aligned to the many campaigns to reclaim the female nipple on platforms like Instagram or in outdoor advertising that point out that an image of a woman breastfeeding has often had more censorship than pornography. Of course, whether someone wants to feed publicly is a very variable and very sensitive situation so again, what we need is choice to do what’s right for the individual.